FROM SPENCER: THE VALUE AND LIMITATION OF YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

It is true that the only experience you truly have is your own. But it is not true that the only experience you can learn from is your own. In fact, it must not be.

We call the evidentiary lessons from our own experience “anecdotal.” This is what makes up our history and shapes who we are. There is nothing wrong with this, for it cannot be otherwise, and one would be foolish not to draw deeply from their own story. The Proverbs would call a person a fool who is unable to learn from the experiences of their lives. But it also says this of those who cannot hear and learn from the experience of others.

I was struck by my own foolishness in this regard, which reminded me (again!) of the damage that can be done with one person’s anecdotal evidence. I have learned that a person must learn this over and over again. When I was officially diagnosed with COVID-19 I was struck by how underwhelming its impact was. It was, for me, nothing more than a glorified bout of allergies. I even mentioned to the contact tracer assigned to me that we Americans have become way too wimpy for this to be what has become all the rage in the news! But he reminded me (again I say again) that my experience is not universal. Others with different contexts will experience it much differently from me. And some will lose their lives with it. That is sobering. 

Without the tempering of collective experience, personal experience becomes a dangerous lens that serves as a monopoly.

The damage that one person’s anecdotal evidence produces could be grave. To assume that my experience is the same everyone else will have would lead to a lot of errors. If I assumed everyone’s experience with the virus was just like mine, it could lead to a casual disregard for their care, a flippant attitude toward the danger posed by the virus itself, and a character judgment upon people who have legitimate reasons to fear. I could roll my eyes at people who are more sensitive to it and I could even listen to the reports of the danger of the virus with total detachment, attributing other motives to the actions of those issuing reports or warnings of the dangers. All of this has happened in our society in recent times, and it is largely due to projecting one person’s experience onto everyone else. In other words, making my experience the one by which to judge all others produces arrogance, judgment, ridicule, minimization, and self-centeredness. 

But this phenomenon in seen in other things as well. The presence of racism in our country has been the focus of much attention. And again the debates rage about the legitimacy, validity, and extent of this sin among us. Much of what people use to form their arguments in support or in denial of the problem is, again, anecdotal. Some white people talk about their childhoods and some friends they have that are black in proof of no racism in their blood. Some black people talk about the neighborhoods they grew up in and just assume all neighborhoods are like that. There is truth in all of it and full truth in none of it. That is the weakness of anecdotal evidence. It requires input and insight of other experiences. 

The truth is out there to be found, but as long as everyone is shouting about their own experience and failing to accept the integrity of the experience of others as worthy of consideration, we will never get beyond the proverbial position of fool. Our experience is not enough. We must reflect on our experience as accurately as possible and then assume the posture of listener—a fully present listener who is not ready to debate but is in true pursuit of drawing from the deep well of others’ experience. 

What, then is the value of our personal experience? As Paul would say, “much in every way!” To reflect on your experience will reveal the grace of opportunities you were given. No matter who you are and how hard you worked or how responsible you were with your advantages, you will find that if it were not for the “breaks” and kindnesses of others, you would not have succeeded as you did. There was a structure that allowed for you to grow and promote. Who your parents were and who inspired you made a huge difference. You were taught to work hard but there is almost always a little something more to it than that. If you take all your wisdom and all your industriousness and place it in a third world context, you would not be where you are now, guaranteed. And the only reason that is not the case has nothing to do with you! Don’t forget that as you ponder your story. Such reflection should produce humility and gratitude and a readiness to hear others, not arrogance and self-sufficiency.

But what you will learn from the experience of others is that such advantages as you had were not available to everyone. Statistics show that in particular a black boy in poverty in America does not have the same structure and opportunities as even black girls would, and certainly not what a majority of white children enjoyed. Take all your assets and put them into that context and the result will be different and nothing you could do would be able to change it. (We want to interject right here from our story and argue about the opportunities in America and how that person just needs to work the structure and it would show we are most certainly not listening. Here again is where arrogance, judgment, ridicule, minimization, and self-centeredness are formed and show up. Shhh! Be quiet and listen.) No, this does not mean every sad story you hear is a structural or systemic issue. But listen carefully, for many of them are. It will deepen your respect and increase your compassion. You will wish you could fix things. You might not be able to change everything as a result, but you will be changed and you will want to be an agent of change in the small ways you can. One of those may be this: you will want to become one of those people that the other person growing up in America can later tell their story so that they name you as one of the wonderful blessings in life that gave them hope and blessing and opportunity.

This doesn’t solve this charged issue. But it will go a long way toward understanding and it will empower you to stand outside of the structure that seems to be so deaf to things that can change it. Lifting your voice with your story over the voice of the other just to prove a point of critique only makes you both deaf this way. No one hears and no one learns and no one benefits. Your personal experience is valuable and insightful. But when you can combine it with the personal experiences of others and find both common features and contrasting ones, a richer, fuller picture takes form and learning can take place. Only then can you see clearly to be a part of a better picture in the future. That is the value and the limitation to the personal experience of every single one of us. Your experience is necessary but it is not sufficient without the stories of others. So gather some stories and maybe we can move to become more like a community than a collection of individuals talking past each other.